This is Our Friendship CH5

Genre: Fanfiction
-Series: Pokemon
-Universe: Games
-Pairing: N x Black

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Chapter Five – Deciding

I hadn't heard from N in a few days and although I was more than a little upset about that, I told myself it was for the best. A few days alone or out with White would let me get mind off of him and let me decide what I wanted to do about my annoying little crush.

I didn't want to like N. He was a guy for crying out loud, and there was no way I'd ever be able to be with him. Not without my mom practically fangirling over me, anyway.

My mom was the complete opposite of a homophobe. She was all for gay rights and embracing your sexuality and coming out of the closet, and all that stuff. She even went to rallies about it. If I told her I was gay, she would never get over it.

But I guess it didn't matter what other people thought about it, right? It was my life, and I was the one who had to decide what to do about the situation. It was about how I felt. Not what other people wanted me to feel.

But what I felt, to be completely honest, was scared. Scared of being different, and scared of making a decision, and scared of what people would say about me if they found out about my feelings towards N.

I kind of wanted to open up to N, but I just couldn't. What if he changed his mind about me? What if I decided to love him, but he decided that he didn't want to be with me? What would I do then? And on the other hand, what would I do if he didn't change his mind? I'd never been good at relationships, so what if we wound up together and I ruined it all with some stupid mistake?

I didn't know what I would do if any of that happened, so instead, I did nothing. I remained undecided so I wouldn't have to face the pressure of making the right choice.

--

White had been keeping me distracted during my break from N. I appreciated her trying to help, but what I really wanted was to just be left alone. I tried telling her that, but she insisted that time alone would be no good, and that I'd just further depress myself that way. She insisted that she was my friend and that she would help me get through whatever it was, exactly, that I was going through.

I did try to enjoy myself around her, though. She let it slip that she's canceled a date or two with Cheren to hang out with me, and I didn't want her to feel as if her efforts had been wasted.

After two weeks and still no word from N, though, I was having a hard time enjoying anything at all. I'd obviously upset him, and the guilt was killing me. What if that was the reason he hadn't called or visited? Had I really hurt him so much that he didn't want anything to do with me anymore?

I should at least call him, right? Just to apologize, if nothing else. But no... I couldn't. Calling him might give him false hope. I still wasn't sure how I felt about him, and if I could never do that to him. But still…

White heaved an overdramatic sigh, snapping my thoughts back to reality. "Black…" she said, pointing to the TV screen where a Pichu stood in a victory pose while Link stood next to it, sarcastically clapping his hands. "This is like, the fifth time I've beaten you in a row. What's wrong? You usually cream me!"

"I'm just… not in the mood for video games, I guess." I muttered, setting down my gamecube controller next to where I sat on my bed.

"But you're always in the mood for Super Smash Bros." White pointed out with a sigh, setting her controller down as well. "Come on, something's up. What is it?"

"Really… It's nothing." I replied, forcing myself to smile at her as I got up and turned off the gamecube and TV.

"Are you still upset about N?..." White asked once I'd sat back down next to her.

I froze, and she continued. "You should just talk to him, Black! Tell him how you feel!"

"But I don't know how I feel!" I blurted, biting my lip and continuing in a quieter voice. "All I know is that I'm upset. A-and scared."

White sighed. "You know how he is. Better than anyone! You need to talk to him, Black. Let's face it. He's probably not going to make the first move. If it continues like this, then you two will probably never talk to each other ever again. Is that what you want?"

I shook my head, but said nothing more, and an eerie sort of silence fell over us for a while before White spoke again.

"Come to my movie party tomorrow?" she murmured.

"What movie are you watching?"

White rolled her eyes. "Does it really matter?" I shrugged and she continued. "Just that Alice and Wonderland movie. I've been wanting to see it again, so Cheren bought it for me. Bianca's never seen it, so I invited her, too."

I groaned. "Bianca?"

Bianca had to be the most annoying person I'd met in my entire life. Not only did she constantly talk, but she talked about things that made absolutely no sense and went on and on about them. For hours. Her voice added to the annoying factor, as well. It was this shrill high-pitched sort of yelp which made her sound like a dog having a seizure whenever she spoke. Oh, and she had a crush on me on top of all that.

White jabbed me in the side with her elbow. "Hey, I know she's a bit annoying, but she's our friend."

"Yeah, I know, I know. She's just so…" I trailed off, trying to decide what one word I could use to possibly explain her with.

"Clingy?" White offered.

I nodded with a sigh. "Sure. Clingy. Whatever."

White just giggled. "Aww, come on, you know it's just 'cause she likes you."

"Yeah, that's the problem," I said with another groan as White stood up with a roll of her eyes.

"We're meeting at my house in Nimbasa at 7:30, and then getting pizza," White explained. "The movie won't end 'till late, so I'm having everyone spend the night. Bianca and I are sharing my room, Cheren's got the futon in the living room, and you can have the couch. Sound good?"

"Yeah, I guess…" I muttered grumpily, watching White leave with another irritated roll of her eyes.

--

I wound up arriving at White's an hour early, which turned out to be a tragic mistake since Bianca was already there as well, and it looked like Cheren was going to be a bit late. So there I was at 6:30 in Nimbasa, stuck in a house with two girls, one of which had the biggest crush imaginable on me.

"So, Black, I didn't know you were coming~" Bianca practically squeed, clinging to my arm once White had left the room for a bit.

I groaned and managed to rip her off of me. "Nice to see you, too, Bianca…"

"Oh, don't be like that!" Bianca whined, crossing her arms in a pout. "Can't you at least act happy to see me?"

"S-sorry," I muttered halfheartedly.

Bianca was silent for a few moments before tugging at my arm again. "Let's walk around town for a little bit," she chirped.

"N-no thanks. I really don't wait to-

"Plleeeeeaaaaaasssseeeee?" she cried. "It'll only be for a little bit! And it's not like we can start the movie until Cheren gets here anyway…"

White came out of the kitchen, then, holding a mug of what was probably Razz Berry tea. "It sounds like a good idea to me," she smirked.

Bianca giggled. "See? Even White agrees with me. So can we Black? Can we? Please? Pretty pretty please?"

I sent a glare in White's direction, but she just shrugged. I sighed. "Fine, I guess, but just for a little bit, okay? A-and you have to let go of my arm…"

Bianca seemed unhappy with that deal, but she accepted it anyway, ushering me out the door and onto the city streets.