Romeo and Juliet Spoof Part 1

In a land far far away, there were once two families: The Montagues and the Capulets. And to put it simply, they hated each other; with a burning, undying passion. These two families each had a child. They were Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet. They never met. Ever. Nor did they ever fall in love.

Benvolio took Romeo to a bar, instead of to the party, and got Romeo drunk while he himself stayed sober and let Romeo make a fool of himself.

"OHHEYTHERE!" Romeo shouted at some poor, unfortunate old lady. "Yur purty, lady. Come on! I won't bite… much." He gave a drunken laugh, and fell out of his seat at the bar counter. Benvolio just stared at him.

The old lady, who far from appreciated this young man's tom-foolery, stuck up her nose to him and moved to the other side of the bar.

"Wh-what!" Romeo whined as she left, reaching a hand out in the direction she'd left in. "N-no. C-c…" he trailed off in a few drunken hiccups and had to swallow a few times before continuing. "C-come back, pretty lady. Romeo loves youuuu~"

The woman threw a disgusted scoff at him and promptly exited.

Romeo swayed as he stood up. "Yeah?! Well fuck you! I didn't want you to stay anyway!" As he plopped back down at the counter into his seat, everyone in the bar just stared at him… including Benvolio.

Romeo continued his fit by starting to sob on the bar's counter, blubbering on and on about complete nonsense. Not much could be made out of the practical gibberish except a few mentions of the name "Rosaline" and the phrase "woe is me."

Benvolio sighed, not really wanting to be involved in the situation anymore, and saw himself out. He was bored, and it was about time to go stalk Mercutio at the Capulet's party.